April 7, 2010
Clash of the Remakes
Hollywood's Last Gasp
By J.D. Cook
Remakes are almost never as good as the original. In music this is true
and, even more so, in movies this is true. Unfortunately, Hollywood has become convinced that remakes are what people want or, more
cynically, what is easiest to sell.
I was sickened to walk into a movie theater three weeks ago to see the remake of Clash of the Titans and discover that
the entire room was filled with promotional posters advertising either sequels or remakes. One was for a remade Nightmare On
Elm Street, others were for The A Team, Wall Street 2, Iron Man 2, and a remade Robin Hood
stood all about the theater lobby. So now my interest was peaked and I did some research on upcoming films in 2010 and here is what I found;
Shrek 3, Sex and the City 2, The Karate Kid, the next in the "Twilight" series (I don't know what it's
called and I just don't care), Predators, Little Fockers ("Meet the Parents 3"), Resident Evil 4
(could it really get worse…yup), Paranormal Activity 2, Red Dawn, Tron 2, 30 Days of Night 2
(WHAT!?), and Saw 13 (or whatever number's next).
So basically Hollywood has officially decided it's easier to stick with proven commodities rather than have writers come up
with new ideas. Now you may ask if I hate remakes so much, why was I going into see Clash of the Titans? I will reply
with Professor Xavier's words to Magneto in the closing scenes of the only good "X-Men" film - "My continuing search for hope."
Unfortunately, there was none to be found with Sam Worthington who, after viewing him in three straight "blockbusters" I have
given up on as an actor. I don't really think he is a bad actor, I just think he is one of the lamest tough guy actors I have
ever seen. When Arnold went toe to toe with the "predator", that was bad-ass. When Sam went toe to toe with anything, it was
BORING! Not to mention his lines in the remake of Clash of the Titans are drop dead stupid and the way the plot
develops is terrible. He goes from a fisherman to a warrior with one sword fighting lesson??? Not just a warrior either - a
warrior who can take down giant scorpions, Medusa, and the Kraken? Are you serious?
Now, to truly put this catastrophe of a movie into perspective, I must compare it to the 1981 original, directed by Desmond Davis.
The 1981 film was filled with mythology, gods, and a complex plot, the 2010 film is full of with special effects. The 1981 film
was written by Beverley Cross alone, the 2010 remake was written by Lawrence Kasdan, Travis Beacham, Phil Hay, and Matt Manfredi -
a committe that collectively does not equal the superior writing of Cross. The original was an odyssey of adventure, the remake
was a straight line that led to a predictable destination that any simple mind could see.
But of course there is the fact that this movie is NOT really a remake. A remake may have worked - taking Cross's plot and
updating it with newer, superior, special effects and thus introducing a great story to a new generation. But what Kasdan,
Beacham, Hay, and Manfredi instead decided to create a new story that made the Gods tyrants over humans, and make Perseus
rebel! I guess you can't be cool today unless you’re rebelling!
The sad truth is that Hollywood may very well be in a death spiral. Video games are becoming the new medium for storytelling,
with games like Mass Effect, BioShock, and Metal Gear Solid. Who wants to endure two hours of
pointlessness when they can be immersed in a richer, more exciting, interactive experience without leaving their home? I hope
that this is just some sort of dark age for Hollywood and they soon turn it around, but I can't help but add to my growing list
of directors, actors, and writers I am boycotting. Luckily, there are still a few directors who are still putting out quality
films, but most of those are outside Hollywood. Perhaps "Tinsel Town" has lost it's shine for good.
© 2010 Jeremiah Dylan Cook. All rights reserved.
