June 26, 2012
by A Member of the Kappa Sigma Fraternity
I am a Kappa Sigma, but I am by no means a model of what the organization represents. At least, I wasn’t. When I first pledged the fraternity, I like many others blissfully took the vows and went on with my everyday life. My life then, was in a bad place. Little did I know that my brothers would soon change all that and help me become the self respecting man that I am. While being pledged in was an eye opening experience, it does not compare to the companionship and brotherly love I felt when I crossed over and became a brother. Even after becoming a brother, it still took me some time to really appreciate the family that I had found and the unbreakable bonds that I had made.
For all intensive purposes, one can say that I may have partied harder than others. I used so many drugs, from cocaine to acid…In retrospect, I didn’t really party at all, I was a drug addict. I was so down on myself that I swore the only way to make myself feel better was to be cracked out on cocaine, rolling on ecstasy, or tripping on molly. It was a rare occasion to find me sober. I would be high at school, in class (although I never really went to class) and I would even come home to my family stoned off of my face, just to crash in bed and stare at the ceiling because it’s hard to sleep after snorting a 50 bag down. I totally lost who I was. In high school I was the president of the mock trial team, moot court team, model UN club and I even started my own martial arts club during my 1st semester of college. But I threw it all away, because I was heartbroken and I wasn’t mature enough to deal with it.
My brothers always made me feel welcome no matter what. I was kicked out of my house so many times, but I always had a place to sleep, my brothers: Jerry (A.K.A. J.D. Cook), Oliver, Luke, Gino and Miguel always made sure of that. I was broke most of the time, but my brothers always fed me; Joey and Luke always paid for me to eat a meal from the school cafeteria. On a separate occasion, I blew all of my money on drugs and needed to pay a bill and my brother Chris laid out the money for me to pay it so I didn’t mess up my credit. I was sick of life, but I always had some kind of encouragement; Jerry and Joey on separate days, told me that I was acting like a jackass and that I needed to be myself again, in fact Joey even reminded me how level headed I was the 1st semester and how much he had respected me. Jerry, Joey, Oliver, Chris and Jeff were always there for me no matter what to help me sort through the hard time I was going through. At the time, I didn’t appreciate these things, but in hindsight, I don’t know what I would’ve done without Kappa Sigma.
I hit the lowest point of my personal fall when I was kicked out of my house for the holidays. It was complete rock bottom. I stayed at a friend’s relative’s house and spent my Christmas without my family for the 1st time. I actually contemplated suicide. Of course, not knowing how to deal with this, I snorted a lot of cocaine and just mooched off of the kindness of others. I called my brother Jeff, who met up with me and offered me a job in real estate after hearing about my situation. I needed money, so I obviously took the job and only asked when I started and what I was supposed to do? Jeff took me straight to his office that same day and started training me. I worked with him and his family who fed me for the day and then persisted to try and help me rent an apartment or sell a house. He had me advertise and even took me on my 1st appointment with a prospective buyer.
I then had to stop working with Jeff as I felt ashamed that he had gone so far out of the way for me and I had nothing to show for it. On New Year’s Day, I snorted three hundred dollars worth of cocaine. I was more cracked out than I had ever been. I looked at myself and I saw that I was nowhere near the person I was and I hated myself deeply. Surprisingly, I passed out, but when I woke up I found myself crying. I just thought of all of the things I had done and how so many people had helped me and how I was still so screwed up. I thought to myself that I needed to change. I needed to change for those people who saw something in me and reached out to help me. Jerry’s words just kept on playing in my head “You’re better than that.” I stopped feeling bad for myself and I made a promise to myself, for the sake of my brothers.
I have not touched a harmful drug since that day. I registered for classes at another college and signed up with the Air Force. I may have messed up a bit of my college career, but I am still determined to make something of myself. I kept in contact with all of my brothers and I made sure to let them all know that I appreciate them more than they even know. I may not attend school with them anymore, but one is not just a Kappa Sigma for their college career, one is a Kappa Sigma for life. This is a true story of how a group of young men held true to the ideology behind my brother’s keeper. For some, it may mean making sure a brother doesn’t get too sloppy at a bar, but to me it’s how my brothers saved me from a path of destruction. I love all of you guys, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Here’s to you: Jerry, Joey, Oliver, Chris, Luke, Gino, Miguel and Jeff.